Putting a little bite into noir

Oh, I used to love vampires, back in the days of Christopher Lee, and have watched them done… and re-done… and re-done again over the years — each incarnation increasingly whiny, emo… and pathetically annoying. It’s been sliding downhill since the angsty Lestat and Louis, to the current…well, I shall not even utter the dreaded “T word.”  But it’s pretty much remained a variation of the same old thing, vampire meets girl (or boy in Anne Rice’s case,) vampire falls for girl, girl almost falls for vampire but is saved from turning at the last minute or turned back by some miracle. Vampire possibly or possibly not killed, depending on if the studio wants a sequel. I would have sworn no one could find a new twist.

I was wrong.

In “Daybreakers” the credits open with a desolate, apocalyptic cityscape, setting an all too familiar mood we’ve seen many times. But then the shades come up as the sun falls, and the city starts swingin’…this is a world where vamps rule the roost, and damn, they got style, baby, if in a rather cold, neo-noir kind of way. I was expecting “Blade,” but this is far more “Bladerunner,” right down to their glinty eyes.

Right away I knew this was going to be eye candy, but would it have substance, even with a heavy hitter like Willem Dafoe? And despite Ethan Hawke, who I have never been particularly moved by?

Hawke plays Edward Dalton, a somewhat angsty vampire (sigh) who also happens to be a hematologist shackled with the enormous responsibility of finding a blood substitute to save both vampires and humans alike. And, oh yeah…they need that by, like, next week. ‘Cause otherwise, if they drain the last of the human blood supply, not only do humans go extinct, but vampires get to mutate into some decidedly un-stylish, batshit crazy creatures that scare even the vamps. And with good reason.

Of course, Edward is sensitive and sympathizes with humans, and is a vampire vegetarian — he doesn’t do human blood, dammit! But then, being a vampire is a bit of a touchy subject with him, as he was turned against his will by his brother Frankie (Michael Dorman), a (little too) gung-ho soldier in the vampire military, who now specializes in hunting humans. There’s some dynamic tension for you.

After Edward gets tangled up and sympathetic with a group of humans, you get the usual romantic sideline, but unlike other vampire films, instead of him turning her, she is intent on helping him turn…back to human form. And finding a cure for the vampire plague.

What does make this film different from most vampire movies is not only the noirish styling, but that someone finally explored on film the idea of vampires in crisis at the risk of running out of human blood. It is still a somewhat romanticized version of vampires, at least the non-mutated ones, but with a bit more of an edge than their frou-frou Victorian counterparts. And those nauseating emo teens falling in love. So maybe part of the reason I liked the movie is because I have to admit I set the bar pretty low for expectations as soon as you say the “V word.”

As expected, Willem Dafoe is a bit of a scene stealer, as a former vampire with a redneck drawl and a love of vintage hotrods. His name is Lionel, but you can call him Elvis…that sort of says it all, don’t you think? And Hawke is okay, which sounds like a slight, but my neutrality toward him is a step in the right direction. His performance isn’t Oscar material, but I didn’t particularly dislike it either, save the odd moments here and there.

“Daybreakers” is certainly one of the most stylish vamp flicks to roll around in a while, with a little dark humor, and a fresh twist in the usual vampire flick plotlines. I’m not sure of it’s longterm place in the grand scheme of the genre, but maybe it will usher in a new neo-noir vampire trend. That would surely make the whole genre visually exciting again, and hopefully teen-free.

Let’s just hope if there’s a “Daybreakers 2” it doesn’t star Robert Pattinson.

Grade: B

Gore Galore this weekend…


Gorevette has cd release shows tonight and tomorrow night:

The Park Bar in Detroit on Friday, January 29th w/ Easy Action
2040 Park Street, Detroit
Doors and Ticket Price TBA

Goodnight Gracie Saturday, January 30th w/ Silverghost and USL
 Ann Arbor
Doors 9pm – Tickets –

And perhaps the best Gore-fest on the planet, the After Dark Film Fest is this weekend, debuting the “8 FIlms to Die For” series. Check your local listings…


For Detroiters, check it out at

Emagine Canton

39535 Ford Road, Canton, MI – (888) 319-3456

Calabrese video for “The Graves,” opening this weekend

This is horror punks Calabrese’s video for the film “The Graves” opening this weekend as part of the 8 Films to Die For series. The film and the video are directed by Brian Pulido. Check it out:

And if you love the brothers Calabrese
(and how can you not?) they are pre-ordering for their new album, “Calabrese III: They Call Us Death.” The pre-order includes a set of about the coolest postcards of the guys I have ever seen.

JimmyRM BobbyRM DaveyRM 

These are only available as pre-order! And the guys are getting ready to come cross country, where they are even making a stop here in Detroit at Small’s in Hamtramck, March 30. Seriously, this is a must see show and a rare appearance in these parts. Come out and support them so they keep coming back! And preorder the album:


Slash and Burn. Please.


The Friday the 13th "remake."

Remaking old horror films that don't need to be remade + gratuitous nudity even for this genre + bimbos with the worst boob jobs ever + fake tanned, boob-jobbed, 2 dimensional douchebag characters + idiotic dialogue = SUCK.

Epic fucking FAIL.

This film now holds the title of worst line ever – "You have great nipple placement." I'm guessing that is supposed to be funny. Hint: it's just stupid.

Grade: D-, credit for nice set styling, the only redeeming value to this travesty on celluloid.

Are We in Hell Yet?

Photo: Melissa Moseley/Universal Pictures

Long before Sam Raimi became a huge box office success with "Spiderman," he endeared himself to horror fans everywhere with the cult classic "Evil Dead" series. Even as someone who tends to frown on schlockey "humorous" horror, I have to give props to Raimi for these low budget, indie classics.

Which is why it's so painful to criticize "Drag Me to Hell."

Okay, it's horror. You are going to present us with concepts out of the ordinary and ask us to suspend our disbelief. I'll go along with you on that. But what I really hate, even when dealing with films about supernatural forces, is when characters act… out of character. In other words, I'll go along with you on goat-like demons trying to steal souls, but when your characters act in ways that make no sense to me and defy logic, you've lost me.


First, when our "heroine," Christine (Alison Lohman)  takes, shall we say, her first attempt at resolving the issue of shaking the goat demon off her back, I just wasn't buying it. Maybe I'm just soft about kitties, but no…no way would she try that without so much as an afterthought, even with the clunky "foreshadowing" of the psychic saying "you'd be surprised at what people will do." Well, yeah, but that was WAY too surprising to the point of being unbelievable.

Then after she tries attempt number two, and fails, suddenly she learns of the simplest, most direct way to rid herself of her curse. Which, by the way, was going through my head all the damn time. Duh. Now after the butchered first attempt, pun intended, I'm supposed to believe Christine suddenly has some moral dilemma about an indirect way to resolve the problem where she doesn't have to see the results or do the deed herself? In fact, I am so annoyed at her for attempt number 1 and this idiotic lack of sensibility, I'm ready to see her lose the battle. Like…NOW. Drag this stupid bitch to hell, already.

As far as the "twist" ending, am I the only one who saw that coming a mile away? I mean, please.

I'll follow you on all kinds of strange monsters and myths, but you better make your characters act consistently and logically for their personalities. And really, when trying to foreshadow future events or set up a twist ending, subtlety please. I know subtlety is a lot to ask from the man who brought us "Evil Dead," but Bruce Campbell was way more believable than this twit. And FAR more likable.

Grade: C-